9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
