his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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