Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you never un-have a 4some
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
