i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
