why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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