She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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