Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
