k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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