moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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