I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
