Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
