Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize