It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
worst night to have a conscience
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
