We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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