Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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