Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize