So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
