I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
