Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
