I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
