he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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