Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
