If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize