Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
