Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
