i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
