I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Don't make out with my wife yet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
