he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
