Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
