I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
