The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
