Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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