just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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