It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
