i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
