I think I died a long time ago.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
