the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
