So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
