So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
