Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
