SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
