I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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