Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize