Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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