Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
