So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
