I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
