well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
