I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
