He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
