I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
