Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
