She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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