I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
