I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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