I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
