Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
