I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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