Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
