I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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