Who did Billy Mays play for?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
