you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
