Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
