I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
