yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
