I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
