did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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