textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
